Match Report - Willow League Match v the Casuals
Thursday 4th June 2015
It was a flat dry pitch on a sunny evening in Wenvoe, so no bollocks excuses! ‘The balls not coming on’, ‘it’s staying low’, ‘the pitch is never covered at Wenvoe’, ‘we never play well here’ etc….
Chris ‘the Pro’ Hamblin and Tim ‘Kamikaze’ Richardson made a steady start, reaching 42 for the first wicket of 8 overs. Then it went pear shaped! The Pro got bowled by a swinging delivery, shortly followed by Tim’s Kamikaze run out (51 for 2). Brian ‘I never call’ Condon and Ali ‘my knees fucked’ Collyer looked to increase the run rate, but Brizer turned blind and ran himself out in farcical fashion (59 for 3). Brizer ‘you should have called when the fielder had the ball in his hand’, Ali ‘why did you not call’, Brizer ‘I wasn’t looking!’ enough said.
At this point there were still ten overs left and 7 wickets in hand, but calamity turned to disaster. Facing Obee ‘one kenobi’s’ plop Ali’s eyes lit up and was bowled playing across the line (59 for 4). Luke ‘I look good in Pink’ Bonelle was dropped (that’s 6 times in the last 2 games) and then bowled by Obee ‘one kenobi’ (69 for 5). This brought Rob ‘I can’t dress myself’ Deighton-Jones to the wicket. Jamesy hung around, but was eventually bowled (73 for 6). Dylan ‘Wiggins’ Powell looked to increase the tempo and was dropped to get off the mark and then bowled the next ball he faced (74 for 7). Rob ‘where’s my batman’ Deighton-Jones was looking increasingly bedraggled and was struggling to keep his clothes under control. Maybe his clothing issues were a distraction as he edged one to the keeper and walked off, not realising the keeper had dropped it! Lucky not to be stumped he survived.
It was at this point that Chris ‘it’s an easy game from the boundary’ Stork showed his support. ‘It’s like watching a team of disabled people!’ Can you feel the love tonight?
RDJ and Andy ‘Saville’ Court put on 5 for the 8th wicket, before the Perv was bowled (79 for 8). Steve ‘I was Umpiring’ Parker walked to the wicket and was bowled a wide first up. Tim suggested he was batting too low, only to see him bowled leg stump for a Golden Duck (first legal delivery) (81 for 9). Commentator’s curse! A few balls later we were all out, as Nasher was bowled for a Duck (83 all out).
Good team effort, not. Pink caps all round! Lessons to learn for next week - Cut out the self-inflicted run outs, work together to build partnerships and bat the full 20 overs!
33 extras, including 24 wides, made a game of it. Brian ‘I need a third man’ Condon and Dave ‘where’s my front foot landing’ Nash kept it tight for the first 4 overs, but the opening batsmen were just biding their time. 2 dropped catches by the skipper and 1 from Luke ‘I’m keeping the Pink Cap’ Bonelle didn’t help, where's Vince when you need him? Not to mention the Pros over going for 16 and my shocking miss field! A steady run rate, with the odd hefty blow, made mincemeat of our total inside 15 overs.
Champagne moment? ‘It’s like watching a team of disabled people’, because that summed up our performance.
So how are we fixed for availability next week? Not good! Chris ‘it’s an easy game from the boundary’ Stork is filling his wank bank at the Elton John concert, singing along to songs like Candle in the Wind and Rocket Man. He’s obsessed with Rob’s fruit and veg so we should have guessed! Whilst Andy ‘Saville’ Court is attending a Pervs Convention in Cyprus, he’s heard teenage girls are washing up on the beaches in that part of the Med looking for a better life in Europe. Until they meet the Perv!
Author - Tim Richardson